Life Achievements and Expectations

"Work. Believe, then you'll achieve" 
Those were the words I told myself few years ago before I started this blog. I wouldn't say that it was my 'motto' but I guess it's not bad to hold a statement that you want to believe in.

it's not directly wrong or bad to say that sometimes we feel like we don't want to live in this world anymore or we feel like sometimes maybe life can hit us harder than diamonds.
But seriously, think of it.
Assuming that life is harder than diamonds and it still continuously prone to hit you. Then, what material does yourself can be describe as? 

it might sound counter-intuitive to the topic, but it is related. 
I mean like, the reason why we have so much "all time low" moments isn't because life itself is hard per se, but we made it look like omg it's THAT hard. get what I mean? that's number one.
Number two is inherently because we have high expectations.

I know how it feels like to expect something you think you  know you'll get it but when that moment comes, you failed to get it.. get it? (ok hambar) 

but seriously, I do. 

Im so exhausted by just thinking of these past few years. The effort, work and dedication but no 'tangible' achievement. 
is it because, I didnt work hard enough? or maybe I was just never meant to be in something I'm dedicated to?
The Last time I dedicated to "something somewhere someone somewhy somehow" , all those 'some's. The outcome was depressing. "False hope" so they said. 
Anyway, what am I actually talking about?

it's none other than debating. 
believe it or not, I've never won any BIG tournaments in my "debate career" 
and I think it's time I should take a slight rest from it. Nevertheless, I did won a competition but I wasn't really proud of it. Thankful yes, but not really proud.
so, What have I achieved so far?

As an Individual and Team

1) tied with overall best speaker in Piala Tun Razak Debate Competition 2013
2) Ranked 14th in Swinburne Debate Competition 2014
3) Ranked 5th Overall best speaker in IIUM's 2014 Inter-school debate competition (over 200-300 participants)
4) Ranked 10th Overall best speaker in APU's 1st BP National Novice 2014 (216 participant which is also inclusive of university students)
5) Champion for Honsbridge Debate Challenge 2014
6) Two Times semi finalist for Piala Tun Razak Debate Competition
7) Octo Finalist for iium debate competition 
8)Broke but forfeited in Sunway Debate competition
9) Broke in UNITEN IV 2013
10) Broke 6th in IIUM debate competition
11) Quater-finalist for APU 1st BP National Novice
12) broke 10th in APU National Novice
13) Finalist for Sepang's District level debate competition 

When I look back at these achievements. There were some awards that I could feel proud of as an individual. But, as a team I thought I failed. I always told my friends (including team mates) that "we're going to the finals" or "we're going to win it" you know not the cocky way but to give positive energy and increase your spirit kind of way. Unfortunately, we didn't and I tend to blame myself for it. 
(Although I partially blame my team mates in swinburne. ONLY in Swinburne)  
it does feel sad and I don't know how much I can take not winning anymore.
Not only that I feel like im a failed product of an 'islamic' student but maybe Im also a failed product of a debater.

I know that pain is temporary
 but thing is the pain is still right now. It stings, I don't like it.
  hm...

Well at least it was all a very fun experience to grow up in. The motions were awesome too especially in APU!

 I really wished I couldve gone to semis.
The semi final's motion was "THW prefer a world without god"

surprise surprise, I would really go for gov in this motion but being opp is fun.
There were tons of lame puns and jokes as well. i.e "it was already sinful for me listening to their speeches"  kind of thing

Though I wish they couldve bring more examples. but I think the gov did a very good job in explaining about how humans can be more rational and how there are tangible harms because of existence in religion. 
Well they did pointed out ISIS and how religion itself separates other people from other religions as well hence less harmony.

but you can easily response and say even without god, wars and all those harms can still happen anyway. Simple example would be World War I, II or even the Rwanda Genocide. Which is far worst in contrast to the "Holy war" kind of thing.
secondly, i think it was good that they also say that people can still be irrational without god therefore that harm isn't really contingent upon the idea of existence of god.

If I was opposition I would talk about the small new ones you know.
What about the people that hasnt found their answer in life and the only way they can get closure is to at least believe that god can answer it in the afterlife. then i'd elaborate on why are these people important.
secondly, talk about people who are at the bottom of the society and people who are severely experiencing life-death situations. i.e cancer, brain tumors and etc. Like these people, the only hope that they can only rely on is god. Like if god doesn't exist, you destroy their hope in living. 

something like that, but it was fun.
some people take it as a sensitive topic. Well, it is but I prefer not to be ignorant.

I think I ran off the topic but in conclusion,
I learnt that I need to lower my expectations more. HAHA

After all, Allah wont help us unless we help ourselves right? 


Assalamualikum