Thursday, August 13, 2015

To your dearest princess

This is just a response.

Nak post kat tempat comment tapi terlebih characters so yea

           The idea or assumption that all men are hedonistic is socially constructed to a normal individual because of the misogynist and patriarchal society we live in, so I wouldn't blame you for coming into that conclusion. Although this contrivances is carefully thought/written, I find it difficult to swallow the illustration of how disrespectful men is towards women, the rhetoric of "the whole world is theirs(men)" *pun intended* (1) and the misconception about equality between men and women.

           'Equality aint justice and justice isnt equality' While this statement is true most of the times, equality can also be fair or justice under certain context, Im not sure what kind of article or observation that made you concluded just because we created differently therefore we shouldn't ask for equality. By that logic within itself, then dont you think everyone shouldn't ask for equality since we all created differently? Sure, I know you're specifically talking about gender, but if that's really how you want to tell people why they shouldnt ask for equality, then I don't think that reasoning can easily light the candle.
Under the idea of Egalitarianism, the equality it seeks for isn't equal quantity or equal EVERYTHING. The most pertinent thing is equal rights, equal opportunities, equal favors and treatment (okay perhaps this can be arguable). The point is, if asking for an equal wage(even if they have maternal leave, even if they don't get maternal leave), equal rights and equal job opportunities are also part of equality, then I firmly believe that women really should ask for equality in this sense.Therefore, there is equality in justice and vice versa. Tell your princess that that form of equality is ok :p If I misunderstood you or said anything wrong, please correct me. Takut ada perselisihan understanding from what you actually want to present. Sorry If im mistaken.

           Secondly, "men's world". Working like a man doesn't mean you want to be men. I believe that regardless whether youre a man or a woman, everyone should have their own ways to self actualize. The reason why there are women in military isn't because women feel inferior than man or because they see it as a format for living this world. They do it because they want to protect their country, they want to hold guns, they want to live their dreams etc. All of the examples you gave isn't exclusive for men, or man's standard. It's just being human. There's no objective standard on what makes you a man or what makes you a woman. They are just being human. Even if there are standards, I don't see the harm in working hard, joining the military, cooking and many other more. Assuming they did live under 'men's format' and failed thus giving pleasure to men, sure the best reminder is not to follow them. Give more education, tell them just because you failed in one area, it doesn't mean you don't have a life worth living. you're right, everyone is worth more than that.  However, dont paint a picture that describes men is the ruler of this world. The reason is because this type of statement either a) entrenches gender prejudice/discrimination, or b) assuming true, you make other people confirm this idea and lead them believe it's true. This is particularly bad because instead of the girl believe they're working because they want to work, you give them second thoughts and say "I think im kinda actually living for men.." or something like that. This might sound ridiculous, but I might go as far as saying, more women will distrust men now especially your princess.

           hmm why distrusting men bad? because you make them cynical. Not cynical per se, rather cynical to men. In fact, if you want to live in a world where men and women can respect each other, discussion or discourse is a better platform than putting a blind eye or ignoring. This however, doesnt undermine the idea of being cautious to men especially here in Malaysia. Don't cakap one on one, dont give private information, dont discuss petty stuff etc. Know what type of person youre talking to, not everyone is benevolent, not everyone is malevolent too. If you dont want to talk to them, tell them and explain politely, ignoring will only menambahkan fitnah atau mengumpat. Everything ada adab and ethics right? follow them. I won't try to impose my beliefs on you, but I hope you see the trade-off I'm trying to picture. There's always an opportunity cost in every decision we make in life. Which one are you willing to sacrifice is entirely up to you. I won't judge.

           You may not respond to this but I don't mind. I already got used to it in these past 5 years xD I understand. However, I do pray and hope that you're able to read this. As a friend, I will respect any decision you choose to take. As a person, you're probably the most perplexing puzzle ive ever met. An intriguing one that is. You have been one big help in my life whether you realize it or not, I always feel in debt to you. For that, I thank you.

All and all, Goodluck for trials and spm. May Allah bless you always. Assalamualikum :)

Without wax,
Zamakhsyari

(1) The World is Mine - Hatsune Miku
By AT

8 comments:

  1. AimanNurAdlinaAugust 17, 2015 at 2:47 AM

    Waalaikumsalam. Scheduled everything, so didn't notice that it was already posted. Wrote that when a paranoid-inducing case happened in my class, so may be influenced by emotional state at the time. Assumed no one reads my blog anymore, so didn't really pay attention to details. Don't get how I'm a big help(?), so no need to say thanks.

    May Allah bless. All the best for your trials and spm too. Assalamualaikum. -AimanNurAdlina

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    1. AimanNurAdlinaAugust 17, 2015 at 2:49 AM

      Another thing, might reply seriously after trials, might not reply at all if too stressed out.

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    2. AimanNurAdlinaAugust 17, 2015 at 2:49 AM

      This comment has been removed by the author.

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    3. ZamakhAugust 29, 2015 at 10:35 AM

      When is ur trial gonna end? Mine baru habis semalam. Im looking forward to your answer

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  2. AimanNurAdlinaSeptember 28, 2015 at 5:09 AM

    Waalaikumussalam warahmatullah. So, SPM trials are finally over and done with (mine ended sabtu lepas, ganti cuti haze). I had a feud with this one guy in class (the same guy who made me write that previous entry in the first place), so I might be a little biased (and maybe also a little cuckoo in the head) during these two times that I'm writing about this topic. Sorry for the late reply, and I didn't post this on my blog because there's at least 0.001% chance that the two people who affect my writing of the previous entry might read it if I post it there, and I'm not willing to take the risk and having to explain to them pulak nanti. I guess I'm a coward like that. If you don't mind, I'm going to answer this from the bottom to the top.

    I was intending to not respond to this at first, because honestly I have no idea what to reply or respond. The reason I might appear "perplexing", hence "intriguing" to you is none other than the fact that I, myself, can't figure myself out just yet. So I just say whatever I wanted to because as Dr Seuss said; 'those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind.' I'm not classifying you into any of the two category, but let's just say that I feel like I could say whatever I want to you, because I feel like you'll always try to figure it out (because you're a debater and that everything must make sense and be based on rational and relevant facts?). Although even to me, whatever I said didn't have any sense to make out of. I don't know how I'm a big help to you when all I did was talk nonsense, so it's kinda funny that you feel the need to say thanks.

    Next, the part about ignoring men. To put it out there, honestly, many a time I find that talking to men opened my eyes and widened my thinking box more that talking to people of the same gender. But then again, those only happen when you talk not-so-oftenly with the opposite gender, because the more you interact with them, the more likely you'll talk more nonsense. Sometimes you just have to ignore them to cool off the engine (of both the parties involved, not specifically of the opposite gender's), I suppose. To draw the line again, and to back off from that line (sorry, I don't know words). Ignoring the opposite gender, to me, is necessary when things got too not serious. To me, it's more because I can't trust myself enough to not fall into 'taqrabu zina', so creating a bit of a distance is the best way to not 'taqrabu zina' for me. For the record, I can't trust myself more than I can't trust men. Your words, am not trying to impose my beliefs on you, but that's just my way of protecting myself.

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    1. AimanNurAdlinaSeptember 28, 2015 at 5:10 AM

      Okay, the part about men's world. I always think about it this way. From the day we were born, we were being brainwashed. Well, maybe brainwash is not exactly the correct word for it, although it's not exactly not true. But everything around us and everything inside us shaped who we are today. It's the thing called nature and nurture. Whether we realize it or not, everything around us causes a degree of change within us, be it big or small (that being said, I might've caused a degree of change within you without me realizing it, but I just don't think that it's more of a positive change though). For instance, if I tell you 'air oren sedap' to you who've never had air oren before, you'd most likely go around and see air oren as sedap, although you've never tasted it before, just because I had said so. In such a simple way, although on a simple matter, I've caused a degree of change (that's a bad analogy, but you get me).

      Now, we live in men's world. Without me realizing, I kinda want to work and not get married, want to not be pregnant or have kids, because to me those things will slow me down. I kinda want to live alone, earn and use my own money, that even if I got married I'd still work as hard as when I wasn't married. I kinda want to study or work overseas so I can be independent and not simply rely on other people. I'm not saying that all of these are bad, but it's not really what our religion asked for us women to do. Okay, true, there were women warriors in Islam, but think of it this way: when all women go out and pursue their careers, who are they leaving their kids to? Their husbands to? Who cooked the meals for their family? Who did the house chores? Who's the one who's always there for their families? The 'nilai kekeluargaan' in families fades, little by little, and before we know it, it's the end of a civilization because we regress; we act worse than animals, gejala sosial semakin meningkat and whatnot due to the lack of attention and care and bimbingan and didikan from mothers as underlined by Islam. I'm not saying that pursuing careers is bad, but, it's not really an ideal thing to do for women, especially masa akhir zaman macam ni. I'm also not saying that it's men's fault that we live in men's world, but we were shaped to believe and behave as such is the case ever since we were born, so it's kinda hard to behave as if we don't live in men's world.

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    2. AimanNurAdlinaSeptember 28, 2015 at 5:11 AM

      Alright, regarding degrees of change I wrote about earlier. For some people, it takes a lot to do before we could change them by a degree, while to some of the others, you could've just say one thing and it would've caused 180 degree change to them. As I wrote the other day, I wrote that entry due to a case happening in my class, something that I still can't believe happened in a KAA (kelas aliran agama). What frustrates me most was that I've told the girl in question to stay away from the guy, probably more than a million times. To be honest, I couldn't trust the girl more than I couldn't trust the guy. I mean, he's just being a guy, (and I might be anti-feminist when I say this), but yeah, sometimes I feel like kalau perempuan tu mengada-ngada dekat laki, she's asking for it. Tak bolehlah nak harap lelaki tahan hawa nafsu je manjang, they're kinda built that way. Waktu syaitan first nampak Nabi Adam pun dia dah tahu dah, how to jatuhkan this rare species called homo sapiens. So kalau perempuan tu ngada, to me, that's basically her fault.

      And it wasn't just once or twice that I've told her to stay away, and the fact here is that, even after the case had happened, she's still close (in fact, even closer) with the guy. I didn't know what else to do, I kinda wrote the entry out of frustration. A lot of thoughts were running through my mind, like 'daughters are hard tasks', 'there's no way I'm gonna place my children in a non-Islamic school if I were to have any', and 'did she even stop to think of the implications of what she was doing?'. So much so, that I didn't mind my daughters distrusting men. (Actually, I was going to add a bit of fiction like 'unless he's a man like your father' into the entry, just so my princesses won't entirely distrust men, but geli lah pulak hahaha).

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    3. AimanNurAdlinaSeptember 28, 2015 at 5:12 AM

      I just want girls, daughters, sisters, women, especially those who are close to me, to be more careful, even with those yang bajet beragama, even those yang ustaz, even those yang pakai serban jubah kopiah semua, apatah lagi orang yang tak kena-mengena sama sekali dengan perkara-perkara di atas. Especially them. They're men with lust too, takyah lah nak try to challenge that part of them just because they're closer to the religion or anything like that. Even Nabi Yusuf pun, kalau Allah tak kuatkan hati baginda, mungkin akan ke arah yang tidak diredhai Allah. He was a prophet. Siapa sangatlah setakat manusia biasa yang tak keramat, apatah lagi maksum. In this world, you can't just be careful anymore, you have to be extra careful.

      Regarding equality. This isn't realistic at all, but I'm kinda hoping that one day, housewives dapat gaji from the government, instead of just from their husbands. I mean, buat kerja rumah boring gila kot. Jaga anak is super frustrating. Doing the same thing over and over and over again, every single day. And it's not that you have a day off either. Weekends pun kena masak, kemas rumah, jaga suami, jaga anak, etc etc. But what they're doing really is educating a nation, future generations. Let's face it, mothers know best. Kalau orang lain yang educate mungkin tak berapa sampai. Statistically, budak-budak terlebih nakal ni usually come from homes yang both mak ayah kerja dari awal pagi smpai tgh malam. Sebab kurang dapat attention, they searched for it elsewhere, and some aren't exactly good and beneficial. Paling teruk, sampai merempit, hisap dadah, kahwin lari, lari tak kahwin, you know, those gejala sosial. Instead of teaching women to pursue careers, maybe let us think that it's fun to jaga anak and do house chores. Tell us that we're nurturing future generations. Kan gempak. But I have to admit that it's a long way to go before such things happen. Honestly, living in today's world, I still kinda want to earn my own money and rent a house before marrying, than simply wait and hope to rely on somebody, even though he's my husband nanti. You gotta hope for the best, but you also have to prepare for the worst.

      There's this one episode from HIMYM where Lily felt like leaving Marshall and Marvin because she wanted to pursue her dreams (it's the episode where Marvin couldn't poop) and she felt guilty for feeling so because she loves Marshall and Marvin still, but I don't know, that episode was just too real. I kinda cried, okay, I bawled. I was pretty much affected by that. I have to admit, I'm kinda scared that such a thing would happen to me, that's why I've been saying that I don't want to get married all this while. And seeing my aunt, she cried whenever her son cried, because she didn't know what to do. I don't want to be in her position. This might makes no sense to you, ada ke mak yang tak reti jaga anak? Yeah, mothers are humans too. Let's just say this, women bleed almost to death to deliver this parasitic creature living in their womb for 9 months, and they have to love and breastfeed and care for this creature whilst their hormones tak stabil and stuff. Sometimes aku rasa macam, you know, siapa suruh nak sangat anak. Tapi, bab2 anak ni bukannya decision wife sorang, so suami tu paham2 lah jugak kena buat apa. Jadilah extra gentleman sikit kot ya pun. But, yknow, kalau nak fikir senang, memang tak kawen, tak ade anak ah, sape nk tanggung responsibilities mcm gunung.

      Maybe, in a perfect world, I don't mind not working because I trust myself enough to trust my husband, and that I take care of my children and the house as a full-time job. Unfortunately we don't live in a perfect world, so I guess I'll just ask for equality with your idea of Egalitarianism.

      I hope I didn't leave anything. May Allah ease towards success fiddunya wal akhirah. All the best for SPM 2 November 2015 nanti. Assalamualaikum and take care.

      p/s: if reply, i will only read after spm

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